Unforgiveness – Spiritual Paralysis

whithering rootsBefore the LORD brought me assistance through SingleVISION’s scriptural counseling, I was suffering round-the-clock spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It didn’t seem possible I could survive another month in such excruciating pain. I couldn’t sleep. Everything I ate caused digestive distress.

I sat through church services believing the LORD intended to take me home very soon. I prayed He would ease the pain. When He didn’t, I concluded I must just be expected to bear it. I tried to. It wasn’t bearable.  I didn’t know where to turn for help.

I went to the doctor and tests showed no cancer. There were some digestive problems which I was told were usually symptomatic of extreme stress. I was advised to find the cause and make radical adjustments. I didn’t know where to look.

I kept beseeching the LORD to show me. I was doing all the things that I thought I should be: attending church, and Sunday school, and Bible studies, trying to get more sleep, being careful of what I was eating, listening to hymns…and praying earnestly. I did imagine that something very necessary must be happening to me or else He would put an end to it.

I didn’t actually seek out counsel from SingleVISION initially. It was the LORD I wanted to counsel me. I didn’t want anyone to know how spiritually ill I was; I just wanted Him to heal me. I thought I was willing to face whatever was causing my distress, but I was too barricaded behind my own rationalizations and self-deception to recognize the Truth on my own.

From the turmoil inside of me stirred by relevant scriptures, I thought I was very close to understanding what the core problem was, but I know now that I couldn’t have gotten through the deeply entrenched distortions in my thinking on my own. The LORD allowed me to become desperate enough; then He brought SingleVISION Ministries to my attention.

When Gene began counseling me, he pointed out immediately that my problem was bitterness and unforgiveness. Like David confronted by Nathan, I realized the LORD was slicing straight to the root. Unlike David, I was terribly defensive at first. I didn’t want to admit that I was holding so much resentment against a brother in the church. I had to be forced to see what I had been doing.

Then I had to be shown how to forgive. I had to have it explained to me over and over that forgiveness was only possible by the power of His Spirit in me. I relinquished my petty “rights” and asked Him to make me right with Him.

Once His light blazed into my mental basement I found I’d been harboring resentment and rage so long they were destroying me. Finally I found out, just as David did, what a release it is to confess to Him, agree with Him, how wrong I am.

The subsequent counseling sessions brought me from despair over my sin to resting and relying on Him to cleanse me and restore me to full function in His Body. Gene has a God-given gift for counseling. He doesn’t allow those he’s ministering to to reinforce their wrong thinking. He wants them to practice speaking Truth only. I began to truly rejoice again!

The LORD continues to show me more and more specifically how He wants me to view relationships and circumstances. He’s teaching me how to walk in His Spirit. Through SingleVISION He has supplied clear and constructive counsel to strengthen me in His “cross training”.

May the LORD instruct and minister to those like myself through this ministry, who have not been able to comprehend fully who they are in Christ.

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