The Counselor's Corner

pyscology-headsHere are some tips for coping with problems in your Christian life.  See if these simple Scriptural suggestions can benefit you as they have others.

Coping with Others

Are you having difficulty with someone in your life?  Do you seem to keep having one argument after another?  Do you find yourself having too many disagreements lately?  This article just might help.  The principles prescribed in the DACA Method have proven effective time after time. Check it out. It may make a difference in the rest of your life.

Not Just Another Formula
Formulas in dealing with people seldom work. We are all individuals. We have good days and bad days. People in our family or office have good days and bad days. You have opinions and others have different opinions. There are so many variables in circumstances and personalities that no formula will be applicable to every situation and relationship.      Order this album

However; since application of the DACA Method has proven extremely helpful for so many of our clients over the years, we are eager to share it with you. Try it with your spouse, your children, your boss, your friends, and even your enemies. You will be amazed. It is the nearest thing to a “formula” we have ever endorsed. This method is based on the teaching of Jesus Christ.

When you are “under attack”
When you are attacked, what is your response?  Are you defensive?  Of course! That is our natural reaction. We instinctively defend ourselves when someone attacks us, but what did Jesus say we were to do?  “Turn the other cheek.” OK, but what does that mean?  How can we turn the other cheek and not become a floor mat for people to wipe their feet on?

When you “attack”
You “lose it” when things don’t go as you think they should. You “fly off the handle” and say whatever is on your mind. Perhaps later you reconsider and regret what you’ve said. How do you recover from exploding?  The next day or the next encounter, do you just act as if nothing happened?  Do you just push it “under the rug” and go on with out making a “big deal” of it? “Sweeping things under the rug” makes a large bump that will eventually “trip you up” in that relationship.

DACA is the answer
Learning the DACA Method of dealing with people is a key to responding to them when you feel they are attacking you.  Whether they are correct in their assessment, but vicious in their presentation; or whether they are absolutely wrong in both their conclusions and their presentation; either way, having DACA in your mind will make a profound difference.

D = DON’T DEFEND
What ever you do, don’t defend yourself.  If there ever was a person on earth that had the right to defend Himself, it was Jesus Christ, and He didn’t.  He was attacked over and over as He did many miracles, when He stood trial, and even while He was on the cross.  He never defended Himself even though the attacks against Him were vicious and undeserved.

One of our clients was under attack by the media, accusing him falsely. They made him the lead story of the 6:00 news for several weeks. Their coverage was threatening his reputation and his practice in his city.  He prepared to go to the television station and submit to an interview with the reporter doing the expose’.

His attorney advised him to call the station before going and ask for an unedited copy of the interview. His attorney told him that the media could edit the interview in such a way as to make it very incriminating no matter what he said. So he asked the station if they would promise him an unedited copy if he granted them the interview.  They refused.  His attorney advised him not to go.  He heeded the advice.

Later he spoke of how draining the attack on him was and how angry it made him. He said when he spent time in prayer; it seemed Father was impressing on his mind a comparison to what Jesus endured. “Hadn’t Jesus been attacked falsely?” “Didn’t Jesus have a right to defend Himself?”  “So, did He?”

Isaiah 50:6 “I gave My back to those who strike Me, And My cheeks to those who pluck out the beard; I did not cover My face from humiliation and spitting.”

Our client, who had been badly shaken, found new resolve to leave the matter to Father and follow Jesus’ example.  He thought, “If Jesus didn’t defend Himself and He was sinless, who do I think I am?”

Scriptural Admonitions
The Scriptures tell us plainly what our attitude should be. Proverbs 20:22, “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; Wait for the LORD, and He will save you.” Proverbs 24:29 “Do not say, ‘Thus I shall do to him as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’” Romans 12:17, “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.” Matthew 5:39 “”But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” 1Thessalonians 5:15 “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.” 1Peter 3:8-9 “To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”

A = DON’T ATTACK
With the statements above, there is little need to show how improper it would be to attack. The Scriptures are clear on the matter.  Romans 12:19 “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.” 1Corinthians 6:7 “Actually, then, it is already a defeat for you, that you have lawsuits with one another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?” Matthew 5:43-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, LOVE YOUR ENEMIES and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

C = CONFESS
The Scriptures also admonish us in this.  James 5:16 “… confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.”  Who is it that is without sin?  Who is so perfect in anything that there is no need for forgiveness?  In any conceivable circumstance there is room for improvement and thus, need for confession of imperfection.

A = ASK FOR HELP
The person to whom you confess is then called upon to join you in your quest for improvement.  Since that person is the one who pointed out the imperfection in one way or the other, that person is the perfect coach to assist you in achieving a higher performance rating.

Real Life Example of how to apply DACA
One of our clients complained he was verbally attacked by his wife when he arrived home late for dinner. “The dinner is in the trash. It is ruined. Why weren’t you home when you were supposed to be? You’ve really upset me.”  The husband explained that he had to work late. Immediately she accused him of being unfaithful to her with another woman. “Why didn’t you call if you had to work late?”, she demanded.  He shouted, “I wasn’t near a phone; I couldn’t call you!  I was trying to make extra money so we can get some of these bills paid. Why can’t you appreciate my working so hard instead of attacking me like this?”

His counselor asked, “Did you defend yourself?” “Of course,” he replied, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”  The counselor asked, “Did you attack her verbally.”   He admitted that he did call her a couple of not-so-flattering names.

His counselor began suggesting the DACA Method of dealing with her. Don’t Defend. Don’t Attack. Confess and Ask for help. His immediate response was, “Confess?  Confess what?  I’m not guilty!”   The counselor asked him to rethink what he said.

“If you aren’t guilty of anything, why do you have an unhappy wife who is attacking you?  Is it possible there is something you could be doing wrong or something you are not doing that you could?  “Think about it,” the counselor suggested.

The counselor suggested they role-play. “You be your wife and I’ll be you.”  The counselor speaking as he would speak to his wife said, “My darling wife, I’ve been wrong. I am so sorry. No, I am not fooling around on you, but I’m certainly doing something wrong for you to doubt my love for you. Please forgive me. For you not to know how precious you are to me is my fault.”

“May I not only ask your forgiveness, but let me ask your help. Any time you begin to feel that I am ignoring you or slighting you in any way, will you please come up to me and gently and kindly, in your most loving voice, say to me, “Honey, do you love me?”  My darling, this will just melt my heart with shame and I will go to any length to demonstrate my love for you and it will call my neglect of you to mind in such a tender way that I will immediately show my affection for you.”

When the counselor finished his “confessing and asking,” the husband just sat there thinking and then he spoke up, “I can do that.” “I can do that.” “Yes, I CAN do that.”  He left the counselor’s office repeating that over and over.

The counselor eagerly awaited the next session the following week. When the husband came in, he had the biggest smile on his face. “Well,” the counselor asked, “how did it go?” “GREAT! I can’t believe how great.”  Then the husband proceeded to tell how when he arrived home from his last session, he sat with his wife and told her the things that the counselor suggested.  “I didn’t do it as well as you did with me,” he said, “but, you can’t imagine how well received it was by my wife. She wept. I wept. We embraced and wept together. Sir, that was the most wonderful night of our marriage. We had the most passionate night of love and the joy has lasted all week. She is so kind to me and so respectful that I simply can’t help expressing my love for her over and over again. We are in heaven.”

Another Real Life Example
One lady told her counselor that her manager at work was very antagonistic toward her everyday. It appeared that one reason was because they were of different ethnic groups; the woman seemed to have a chip on her shoulder. The manager would always bring her an arm load of files to be filed that day, waiting until nearly 5:00 to do it, knowing it would mean her subordinate would have to work after hours.

Her counselor suggested DACA. “How can that work in this situation? She is my superior and she doesn’t like me,” the lady protested.  He told her it might be advisable to confess that she was not nearly as fast at filing as she needed to be and to ask for her patience with her while she attempted do better. He told her then to ask for help in an appropriate way.

To make a longer story short, the lady returned for counsel two weeks later and didn’t even mention the problem with her manager.  When asked about it, she replied, “Oh, that. Well, I did what you suggested and it was amazing. She not only started bringing me the files earlier, but began helping me file them.  Not only that, several times she has invited me to eat with her at lunch and we have become good friends. She is really a wonderful person.”

The DACA METHOD is effective and Scriptural:

Don’t DEFEND

Don’t ATTACK

Do CONFESS

Do ASK FOR HELP

It is simple. It works. It can be used with children, parents, spouses, friends, enemies, neighbors, employers, anybody.  Father has honored it in many lives and it has proved to be blessed of Him; BUT, YOU MUST PURPOSE TO APPLY IT EVERY DAY. If you don’t purpose to do it on a continuing basis, it just becomes another one of those amusing ideas that sounded good when you heard about it, but you never assimilated and implemented.

Is DACA magic? No.  Automatic? No.  Natural? No.  It is Supernatural. You must depend on the Spirit of Christ in you to over come evil with good. Only that which He orchestrates will be to His glory because He is the ONLY Good in you.

Through prayer and the grace of God you can find this “conquering by surrender” method really works. TRY IT. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL LIKE IT AND SO WILL YOU.

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